


Absquatulate

by lonelyjournalkeeper



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, M/M, The Wonderful Adventures Of The Self Sacrificing Idiot Wizard, and caleb is an idiot, mentions of mollymauk tealeaf, spoilers up to episode 52, trent ikithON HAUNTS MY THOUGHTS, what else is new huh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-09-05 11:03:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16809352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelyjournalkeeper/pseuds/lonelyjournalkeeper
Summary: “Ikithon.”The wind was whipping Caleb in the side of the face, his hands still warm from the spells he had been firing. The most recent of which was hold persons- he took a deep breath and forced himself to not turn around. To not look at his friends, whom were no doubt trying to break out of the incantation.He hopes they will understand.Gods he hopes Nott will understand.And he could only pray that one day Fjord would forgive him for what he has to do.=i almost called this "The Wonderful Adventures Of The Self Sacrificing Idiot Wizard".





	1. So when you're near me,

**Author's Note:**

> I LOVE TO HURT THE DIRTY HOBO WIZARD MAN
> 
> hey also???  
> fjord in episode 43 made me ???/  
> REAL GAY FOR WIDOFJORD

**-S.I.X. M.O.N.T.H.S A.G.O-**

It’s absolute chaos. There is blood coating the previously pristine white road, staining the snow an unforgivable shade of red. Caleb's stomach rocked making him feel sick at the sight of seeing his friends blood, splattered and thrown around. He knew he had to do something, that it was now or never.

He knows if he doesn't say anything right now… there would be no more sunrises for his friends. No more pastries for Jester, or pocket bacon for Beau. Yasha would have no more storms to chase and… And Fjord would never set foot on another ship.

And Nott… Nott would never have _anything_ he wants for her. She would lose out on everything he had worked for her to get. Never have a normal life, never get to see life through rose colored glasses.

“ _Stop_ .” He didn’t shout, instead he kept his voice steady and stern, but loud enough to be heard over the fight. Somehow.

And it instantly got the response he wanted. The druid stopped her attack on Yasha, and Nott was saved from a bolt to the side from the half-elf rogue.

Caleb sighed out the last part of his spell before moving from his hiding spot. He walked himself out, towards the front lines. His heart hammered in his chest with every step. He passes easily and carefully between Fjord and Jester. Hands still both raised- frozen in midair. He knew all of their eyes were following him. Following his footsteps. Watching him slowly lead himself to his own doom.

He could _feel_ Fjord staring him down, knowing him- internally pleading with Caleb to return to the trees. To return to safety.

The necklace hung loosely by the chain in his hand, the stone no longer touching his skin. It swung easily and uselessly in his hand.

The snow crunched under the wizards boots, the soles were worn past the point of fixing, and the cold snow easily seeped inside. His feet were wet and freezing, but he continued his march forward, only stopping when he was right in the middle. Between his friends, _his family_ , and the one person he hated more than himself.

“Ikithon.”

The wind was whipping Caleb in the side of the face, his hands still warm from the spells he had been firing. The most recent of which was hold persons- he took a deep breath and forced himself to not turn around. To not look at his friends, whom were no doubt trying to break out of the incantation.

He hoped they would understand.

_Gods_ he hoped Nott would understand.

And her could only pray that _one day_ Fjord would forgive him for what he has to do.

The older man before him raised a white eyebrow, looking impressed. A small smile curved on the older man's face, as he lowers his hand- although it is still clear that the attack was to be stopped. The fight against the others was on hold.

No one moved as the snow continued to whip around them. As the forest became more buried in prefect white. A new layer slowly covering the red.

For a brief moment, Caleb thinks of Mollymauk. And wonders if his grave was covered like this road was. He wonders if the stick still stood tall, if his coat was covered in ice... if he was even still there.

“You always did astound me, _Widogast_.” The voice snaps Caleb back. And the human man throws the name Widogast out like it’s a poorly ripened fruit. As if it was stinging his mouth to say it.

It burns Caleb’s insides to hear that voice throw his new name around.

When Caleb doesn’t immediately respond, and the older man's smile only grows wider. Teeth now showing, and it only continues as he waves his hand again and the carriage door opens. Boots hit the snow and start to make their way over near him.

Caleb's heart was beating moments ago, but at the sound of boots hitting the ground it stops. He closes his eyes slowly and bowed his head. He sighs out a slow breath into the air.

Ikithon was traveling with a party of six. There wasn’t _supposed_ to be anyone else.

There’s only one person who Ikithon would have brought with him.

Only one other person who is also on the quest to destroy Caleb Widogast.

“Hello, Bren.” Astrids breath hits the back of his neck, and it makes Caleb blanch. For the longest time the only thing he wanted was to hear that voice, to _see_ her again. But now? After growing and traveling…

“It seems dear ' _Widogast_ ' still has a soft spot for lost causes.” Trents voice is low, and it was abundantly clear Caleb was being played with- the sarcasm from his new name seemingly filling the air around them.

“He did always love a good misfit.” Astrid's voice travels around him, and when Caleb slowly opens his eyes he can see her circling him. Stalking around him slowly with a cruel smile and narrowed eyes. He remembers that look.

The remembers the days _he_ had that look.

“I’m ready to surrender.” Is all Caleb says into the snowy air, slowly raising his eyes to Ikithons, “But on two terms.”

Ikithon laughs- low and loud, “I’m not so sure you’re in the position to make demands my dear Bren, but… Oh why not! What are they?”

Clearly Ikithon was toying with him, amusing him. But as long as Caleb could do what he needed he didn’t care about Ikithon’s reasoning. He didn’t care if this would be thrown in his face for whatever short life he may have after this.

Trent Ikithon was a lot of things, most of them vile and disgusting but _luckily_ a man of his word was one of them.

Caleb swallows, finally turning and looking over his shoulder. Casting glances past all of his friends faces, pausing on Nott for a long moment. Her eyes were baring into his, tears dripping slowly down her round face. He offered a small smile before turning forward once more. Squaring his shoulders and hoping he looked more confident than he certainly felt.

Caleb Widogast was a coward. A pessimist. A liar. A murder. A thief. He deserves **nothing.**

But the people behind him deserve _**everything**. _

“I am willing to come with you. No fighting, no resistance. Just... Just leave them be.” Caleb glares at Trent's smiling face, “That means no touching their families or friends. You truly leave them alone.”

Trent rolls his eyes, waving a hand again.

“What is the other term?”

Caleb takes a shaky breath and clutched the necklace tighter in his hand.

“A goodbye. I won’t release them from the hold, but…” Caleb swallows again and glances at the piece of jewelry in his hand, “I am aware I will never see them again, and most likely I have seen my last sunrise. You let me have goodbyes with my _parents_ , why not them?”

Caleb's voice is cold and low, but the words seem to echo in the space around them. Fighting to travel through the snow. But he knows they land on Trents ears- if the loud laugh is anything to go by.

“Very well. However if I see anything suspicious,” Trent flashs another bright smile, all teeth, “I will tell Lorda to fire her bolt into your pet goblin, then into your monster.”

Caleb nodded slowly, not needing to even follow Trents eyes to know that he was staring at Fjord for the end of his sentence.

And slowly Astrid and Trent climb back into the carriage, leaving the door opened for him. The others- minus Lorda, who was keeping her crossbow loaded and trained- returned to their posts. The positions they were holding when this ambush occured. All of them standing tall and mostly unharmed.

The first one Caleb goes to is Beau. Her eyes are wide against the spell, and she looks more furious than _before_ the fight. Oh if she ever got the chance- she would kill him for this.

Caleb gives a long sigh before a sad smile. He makes it a point to hold her eye contact, it was never a strong suit between them but it was needed here. He could be brave for another ten minutes.

“Thank you, Beauregard. You are… you are a good friend. You never told my secrets and…” Caleb pauses, “You are very wise. We are both not very good at speaking to another, but I hope you know… I have learned a lot from you, Beauregard. And one day I hope everyone else has the opportunity to get to know you the way I have had the pleasure of doing so.”

He walks away with a small smile.

Next was Jester. And Fjord.

Caleb gently raises a shaking hand to Jesters cheek, wiping the few falling tears away.

“You, Jester, are a terrible cleric,” Caleb says with a small laugh, “But a wonderful companion. And a joy to be around. I never told you this, but… That morning? In the Inn? In Trostenwald? You were the one who made me want to tag along. To see the carnival. And it was all because you loved Nott the same way I did when I first met her. You are kind, too kind for me.”

He lowers his hand and turns towards Fjord. The half-Orc in question was currently staring at the carriage. The fire still burning behind his eyes.

“Fjord,” The amber eyes shifted to him- fire still clearly burning, “Some battles are to be lost.”

Caleb knew if he could, Fjord would be arguing until Caleb retracted his plan. Until Caleb agreed to stay, to not follow through with this. Fjord would probably pick him up and walk away with him.

“I… I appreciate you. In the early days you really took time to understand us, and that was very admirable. Thank you for leading us in the right direction. I…” Caleb leaded in and gently placed a kiss on Fjords cheek- this was never how he wanted the others to find out but here they were. And Caleb was not leaving without a memory of a kiss to hold him over until…

Well. There was time for that later. Right now he just needed Fjord. Even if the other man couldn’t reply or move in anyway.

“I love you.” He could see Fjords eyes starting to swell- the fire dying, “And I always had a hard time saying it- which now i regret but... I did always hear you. In the moments- when you thought I was asleep or unaware. I heard. So I know. And hopefully you do, too.”

Caleb stood for a moment longer in front of him, just staring at memorizing the others features. The half-orcs tusks had grown in more, now just peeking out from behind his lips, it was really a sight to behold when someone got Fjord to laugh. That smile was everything.

Caleb already knew remembering that smile was going to keep him going until the end. However close that may be.

Caleb turned and wiped his eyes with his coat. He always knew it would end like this, but he never imagined having to say goodbye. To figure out how to convey his gratitude and thanks in only a matter of moments.

To leave them behind. To leave _Fjord_ behind.

It was harder than anything else he’s had to do in the past months, just to walk away from him. To not look back.

The snow continued to crunch as he walked over towards the others. And a hand gently clasped his shoulder. And Caleb froze, and turned slowly. Giving a small laugh at the fiamilar furry hand.

Caduceus simply gave a small nod when Caleb finally turned all the way around towards him. Pink hair generously coated with snow that the firbolg didn’t even seem to acknowledge.

“Fate.” Is all Caleb said before getting another nod from the man.

“ _Fate_.”

Yasha had her eyes closed, when he approached.

“Mollymauk… I… He…” Caleb tries to start multiple times before sighing and running a hand down over his face slowly. And when he finally gathers the courage to look up; to try again he finds Yasha’s two colored eyes staring at him. The everlasting patience clearly there. Yasha never rushed his words, she stood calmly and waited- she always understood and waited for him.

“He always wanted to tell you,” Caleb bites his lip and looks away, “He was the one who dented your sword.”

He knew if Yasha was free to she would laugh, she would probably hug him tightly, even if a bit awkwardly. Whisper some confidence into his ear. But Caleb made sure she couldn’t move. Or reply to him.

It was easier this way.

Instead he smiles and looks at her again, “I miss him every day. But… But I am glad you are here. To tell his stories and remember his stupid coat. To protect our friends. To love them.”

It’s quiet for a long moment, the only sounds being the horses off to the side and the wind around them.

“I am too much of coward to say this in common,” The celestial flew off his tongue easily, “But I love you. I love all of you, very much. You are an amazing woman. And… You are all very dear to me. I wish there was more time.”

Another silence,

“Tell them that for me? I know I do not deserve any favors but… I would appreciate it.”

Yasha closed her eyes slowly in acknowledgement.

“Please keep him safe for me.” The last sentence flew out before he could think about it, but he saw Yasha quickly glance towards where Fjord was held, and Caleb was sure if she could she would nod. Some of the pressure in his lungs released.

Notts face was a mess, tears never seemed to stop.

Caleb glances over at the carriage. Both Astrid and Trent watching carefully. Waiting. Only one goodbye left. Only another few moments before this man hunt spanning over years was over. Only a few moments left of Caleb Widogasts freedom.

Caleb easily sinks to his knees, the cold chilling him instantly. But he stays, keeping him on eye level with Nott. And for a long moment just stares at her. Her mask was nowhere in sight, two small braids fall in front of her face- Jesters handiwork no doubt. And her eyes are wide and shiny.

He did not want her to cry for him.

Caleb opens his mouth a few times, but no words would come. So instead he carefully opens his palm. And then gently places the necklace over Notts head. Leaving it to rest on her chest.

“ _Es tut mir leid._ ” Caleb let the Zemnian fall easily. Nott had spent enough time around him to follow it. To understand. To know what the absolute hell he was rambling on about.

“ _Gut sein, winzig_.” Caleb sighs, spending a moment pulling her cloak more closed around her shoulders before rising to his feet.

And like all that time ago, like Molly had done for him- Caleb bends forward easily and places a long kiss on her forehead. He wishes he could say more- to do more for her. To spend more time with her. Caleb wishes for a lot of things.

And after a long stretch of holding the contact, he stands up straight. Casting another glance over his friends and gives a slow nod.

“Keep her safe.”

And he walks towards the carriage and does not look back.


	2. Darling can't you hear me S.O.S.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> caleb widogast the moron

**-T.W.E.N.T.Y. M.O.N.T.H.S. A.G.O.-**

“Do you ever worry about it?” Nott asks to the darkness of their room. Caleb and her had not actually shared a room in a while. Coin was tight in between these insane jobs for the gentleman so usually two rooms was easier than three. Now, quiet often Caleb bunked with Molly and Fjord.

Nott doesn’t mind. She’s grown to rather enjoy sharing a room with Jester and Beau (and when she was there Yasha). Honestly, the small goblin was growing to just enjoy the people around her. Sharing a room or not.

The inn was quiet now, even the drunks downstairs must have started their trek home.

“Worry about what, _winzig_?” Caleb’s voice was clear. He wasn’t ready to sleep either it seems. He had his back turned to her, but she could see he was petting Frumpkin lazily.

“Trent. Ik...Ika…” Nott struggles with the name, but as always Caleb steps in to help her.

“Ikithon.”

“Yeah. Ikithon.” Nott echoes. And Caleb seems to think for a long moment before sighing. He pauses petting the fey in his arms.

“I worry he will hurt you. I do not worry about myself, I have made peace that eventually it will all end. I just do not want you or… or our friends to be in that crossfire.”

“Really?” Nott frowns in the darkness. She can see Caleb nod on his pillow. Slowly he resumes gently stroking the creatures fur.

“If the time ever comes, and it is me or you. It will always be me, _winzig._ ”

**-S.I.X. M.O.N.T.H.S. A.G.O-**

The spell broke once the carriage was out of sight. And all at once the remaining five members of The Mighty Nein finished their halted movements before stilling again. Chests heaving in the wake of a battle long packed up and gone.

“Oh my _Gods. What did he do?”_ Jesters voice is high and pitched. She’s grabbing at her chest and looking around wildly. Searching the air for answers. Waiting for someone to tell her it’s a dream. A falsehood.

“He.” Beau starts before stopping herself. She rubs her hands together, and takes a long deep breath. _Gods dammit Caleb._

“He did was he thought was right.” Fjord eventually says into the air. It does nothing. It does not calm any of them, or keep their tears at bay. It is a small comfort to a major wound. A bandaid to a slash caused by a great sword.

No one really bats an eye when Fjord slams his fist into the closest tree, “ _You idiot._ ”

Nott doesn’t react or move. She’s still standing where Caleb left her. Staring at the indents of where his knees rested only moments before. But after a moment turns and looks to Yasha with wide and confused eyes- clearly only just processing what has happened.

The others move in closely and form a small huddle. The wind bites at all of them, chasing for the bits of exposed flesh. Fjord is the last to step in, obviously shoving his tears and emotions down to keep it all at bay.

“We need t’ find shelter.” Fjord says, accent thick, “Then we can have a nice long sit down an’ discussion about what the _hell_ has happened.”

=

Finding shelter is harder than in months previous. No cottage at the snap of Caleb's fingers, no instant fire starter. No thread to ease away the nagging thoughts of worry and doubt.

However, eventually, after walking a few hours in the snow they find a small inn by the side of the road. It’s older, the wood warping and obviously splitting, but a shelter is shelter. And none of them were able to even begin to complain or be picky about it.

“I bet it won’t be as bad as the rooms at Keystone pub.” Jester offers as they all slowly file into the building. It’s surprisingly roomy inside. A decent number of tables and chairs and a nice fireplace at the far end, near the edge of the long bar.

The inside is just as empty as the roads had been coming up this way. Not a single other group, or caravan.

“Hello?” Beau calls and a moment later a dwarf woman appears. Smile wide and wiping her hands on her apron. Her frizzy white hair is in a half falling bun, and her dark face is covered in wrinkles and freckles.

“Yes, yes, sorry to keep ya’ waiting. I’m Dorran. Do you need rooms dearies?” It all comes out rushed and at once but Jester seems to keep up- offering the woman a tired smile.

“Do…” Jester bites her lip, “Do you have any big rooms? We do not wish to sleep seperate.”

Dorran looks a little taken aback but after a moment, the smile returns to her face.

“There’s a master bed with it’s own private washroom. I reckon you all could cram in there.”

Fjord steps up beside Jester,

“Jester that isn’t necessar-” But he doesn’t finish before the small blue tiefling is spinning and looking at him with wide eyes. Tears brimming again.

“Fjord. Please. We… I… Let’s be together tonight.” Her voice is small and tight. It makes Fjord cast his eyes down before sighing. He turns back to the waiting inn-keeper.

The half-orc gives a small smile to the dwarf, “It’s been a long one. I apologize.”

=

Dorran wasn’t wrong, they could all sleep in the room. Not the most comfortable of places but not their worst accomodation. Nott, Jester and Beau easily claim the bed. Yasha and Fjord taking either side of the floor besides them. Clay taking the floor in front of the bed, stretching the length easily. 

But before any of them even consider sleeping, all five of them find a way to cram on the bed together. And at first no one speaks. No one seems to know what to say. But, eventually, Nott clears her throat.

“How long?” She’s staring at Fjord when she says it and the half-orc sighs, there’s no way out of this one.

“About six months.”

“Six months?” Beau cries just as Nott squares her shoulders and asks,

“Do you love him?”

The answer comes quick with no hesitation, “Yes.”

Jester easily slides more under Fjords arm after the admission leaves his lips and everyone winces when he speaks again- his voice rough with emotion,

“I love him with my whole damned being and he’s gone out and left me.”

A silence falls again before the goblin breaks it again- eyes glossy as she turns to the barbarian on her right.

“What. What did he say to you Yasha?” The goblin is fiddling with her wrappings on her hands, playing with the frayed edges- no longer looking anyone in the eye, “He wasn’t speaking common or Zemnian .”

Yasha nods, “He was speaking Celestial. Like we did after the battle, with my…” And she trails off, half hardily mimicking wings.

Yasha picks at the bedspread, clearly fighting to keep her voice even- it’s an odd tone for her, “He called himself a coward. For not being able to say it in common but… He said he loves us all. Very much. He wished for more time.”

The room is dead silent. Only the noises of the settling building crept into the air.

“He told me I was the reason he went to the carnival with us.” Jester says, voice heavy, “That he went because he could tell I wouldn’t treat Nott badly. He said I was too kind for him.”

Another long silence. Clay lets a long sigh out,

"He seemed calm."

Everyone gives small nods, no place for argument there. Caleb did seem calm. Clearly ready for what was going to happen- and this makes everyone stomach sink.

“He thanked me.” Beau’s voice is rough, and when the others glance over shes frowning. Tears are clearly gathered in her eyes but her fists are clenched tightly. Her eyebrow drawn in taught.

“He told me that… That he hoped… He…” She slams her fist onto her thigh, “What the _fuck_ was he thinking. Ikithon is going to kill him!”

This time the silence doesn’t last.

“He knows.” Nott's voice is still empty, still quiet and subdued. And now she’s playing with the necklace. Now _that_ makes Fjords heart ache before he even begins to fully process why, and after his mind catches up it just makes the ache grow worse.

“Nott what do you mean he knows?” Fjords voice was tight and the anger is easily beginning to seep into his words.

“After. After he told us... Beau and I, I mean, about his parents.” She shifts her focus from the necklace to Fjords narrowed and panicked eyes, “I asked him if it ever worried him. If Ikithon getting him scared him.”

Nott sighs, hand dropping from the necklace, “And he said he had made peace with it. And if it ever… if it ever came down between us and him. It would be him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter but tbh im updating again really soon  
> i love these IDIOTS


	3. The love you gave me

**E.I.G.H.T. M.O.N.T.H.S A.G.O.**

The room is only beginning to light itself when Fjord awakes. It’s dusty and not quiet bright enough to see everything, but the slats in the widow illuminate the bed easily enough. And the first thing Fjord notices is the red hair, fanned over the pillow beside him and also covering his own eyes. After a moment of clenching his fist a few times to get the blood circulating, Fjord manages to push said hair out of his eyes.

Caleb is still asleep, not quiet snoring but letting out small sounds every few moments. At the movement of his hair being pushed he lets out a small happy type sound- which makes Fjord snort quietly.

Fjord doesn’t know how long he stares, content being used as Caleb’s pillow. But he knows it must be a while because eventually the room is bright and Caleb is stretching awake.

The movement from the wizard is when Fjord can finally see it- the mark, now healing on his shoulder. It’s a perfect indent of Fjords own teeth, sitting perfectly on the humans shoulder. Fjord had settled for doing it there for multiple reasons the main one being that Caleb was a shy man, and while he was happy being marked- Fjord doubted how happy he would be when  _ other _ people knew he was marked.

Also the Empire was a lot of things, accepting of “monster” breeds not so much. Fjord felt the prejudices and at this point it was normal to him- but the idea of making Caleb feel that too was not something he wanted to come from this. 

But despite where it sat on Caleb, the meaning stood and for that Fjord was pleased. 

“Good morning.” Fjords voice is rough, and lacking its usual twang. He doesn't miss the way it makes the wizard give a pleased shiver and smile.

“ _Ja._ Good morning.” Caleb mumbles mostly into Fjords chest, making the half orc laugh.

“As much as I’d love to stay here all day,” Fjord says pressing another kiss into Caleb’s hair, “We need to get moving. The others will be coming to collect us for breakfast soon.”

Caleb just groans, sinking into the bed a bit more. Fjord chuckles but makes no effort to actually move, Caleb knows the time they need to actually get up- and Fjord trusts that he will. Caleb wasn’t one to sleep in often.

“How’s your shoulder?” Fjord asks a few moments later, knowing Caleb is still awake. The wizard busy tracing patterns on the green arm wrapped around his waist.

“Hurts a little but it’s… it’s not a bad hurt.” Caleb answers and Fjord knows if he could see Caleb’s face- it would gently fading to a red.

“Well I think you look mighty fine with it.” Fjord says, slightly startled by the laugh from Caleb.

“For a second I thought you said ‘might nein’. And I was  _ very  _ confused.” Caleb giggles some more, twisting his head to look Fjord in the eyes, “We need to get up. Help me wrap it?”

And Fjord nods, kissing Caleb for a long moment before moving to finally climb out of bed.

**S.I.X. M.O.N.T.H.S. A.G.O**

The morning was heavy, as if the weight of the conversation the night before never left. As if it lingered in the room, simply waiting for them. Looming over all of them waiting for a moment to suffocate them once more with realization. 

“We’re going to get him back, right?” Nott wasn’t eating, no one really was. They were all simply and slowly picking at the food brought to them. Cramming around one table easily enough- the inn was just as empty as the night before.

The goblin is staring at the empty chair next to her. They had pulled one up without even thinking about it. It was muscle memory at this point, a habit for all of them to cram at one table. To bring seven chairs.

“Yes.” Yasha says, voice set and deep, “I am at least.”

Beau wipes her mouth with the back of her sleeve, “You bet your ass I’m in.”

Fjord swallows back the last bit of his drink, nodding at Nott with squared shoulders and a determined gaze. It makes the goblin girl sit up a little straighter, a small smart of hope growing next to her determination. 

“You know I’m always down for an adventure.” Clay says, voice easy and calm like always.

Nott swallowed and turned towards the last member, “Jester?”

The tiefling in question was picking at the edge of her cloak, staring intensely down at it. She seemed her size, small- not larger than life for once. 

In this rare moment, Jester truly looked her age. Young, small and afraid.

“What if he’s already dead.” It’s a whisper, but it echoes through the room easily. Nott slams her fork into the table, leaving it sticking up easily. Waving back and forth gently from the force of it being dug into the wood.

“Don’t you fucking say that.” Notts voice is raspy and low. She’s starting to move like she’s going to jump Jester, the mask nowhere in sight to hide the snarl from the goblin.

“I’m not saying I think he is, or that I hope he is. I’m just saying…  _ What if. _ ”

“He’s not dead.” Fjord says, voice tight and staring straight at Jester who throws her hands up to her face.

“You can’t know that!” Her voice cracks easily, and they all know under her hands tears are falling again. It was easy to forget how easily hurt Jester was given her persona, it was easy to forget she was just a kid. A kid who couldn’t go home.

“Actually…” Fjord swallows, playing with his tankard, “I can.”

“How?” Yasha asks, apparently choosing to be the calm and collected one for this conversation. And Fjord can’t help but admire that she manages to pull it off, all the while grabbing Nott and forcing the goblin to sit still. 

“Well,” Fjord knows he’s blushing, “We… We orcs are… um, territorial?” 

Beau makes a loud gasping sound, and when he turns to her- her eyes are wide and her mouth is hanging open.

“Holy fuck.” Beau blinks owlishly a couple times, just staring at him.

“What? What am I missing?” Nott asks, still glaring but now in her actual seat. No longer looking like she is going to stab anyone at the table.

“Orc’s mark their mates.” Jester says, voice still cracking but now tinged with something like recognition. She’s staring at Fjord as well, with wide wet eyes and a small smile creeping up her face.

It takes a moment but then Nott is back on the table, crawling and fighting against Yasha’s grasp to get to Fjord. An angry look is in her eye, mixed with some other things he can’t identify at the moment- mostly due to terror.

Nott was small but they all knew she could do some serious damage.

“ _ You marked him!?” _ She practically yells and it makes Fjord wince. He always knew this conversation would go poorly with her, but he had always assumed Caleb would be with him when it happened.

“Um," He clears his throat, "Yes.” 

Nott throws a fork at him, and by the time he’s bent down to get it off the floor Yasha has Nott back in her chair. She’s clearly still fuming and glaring him down but the threat of death is momentarily gone.

“That’s some serious shit man.” Beau says finally turning away from him and instead picking up her cup to take a long swig, “That’s commitment.”

Fjord knows that the blush is creeping over his face and ears, “Yup.”

“And you can tell if Caleb is alive through it?” Jester asks, clearly full of hope again. 

“More accurately I can tell he’s not dead.” Fjord sighs and runs a hand over his face, “I can’t tell if he’s hurt or scared or anythin’... I just know he’s alive.”

  
  


**-F.I.V.E. M.O.N.T.H.S. A.G.O-**

“Hey you alright?” Beau asks as she sits down on the log besides Fjord, its half damp and mossy but after a long day she can’t bring herself to care. The half-orc in question is staring into the flames with a far off gaze, clearly not here with them. Clearly somewhere in his head, and it makes Beau smirk for a moment- Fjord looks exactly like Caleb used to.

The smirk vanishes when she icy realization hits her. 

“Huh?” Beau repeats herself and Fjord nods slowly, “Just tired.”

It’s quiet for a long time, the two of them listening with half-hearted interest as Jester and Nott discuss  _ Tusk Love _ for the seventh time. Clay sitting calmly as the two begin to weave flowers into his hair. But eventually Beau can’t stop herself and starts the conversation again.

“Do you miss him?” It’s stupid and Beau knows the answer- everyone  _ knows _ how bad Fjord misses the wizard. It’s apparent in the way he still places too many chairs around a table, the way he always makes one too many servings of food. 

It’s very apparent in the way they see every morning he has a brief moment of forgetting as he looks around for Caleb. Followed by the same heartbreaking realization.

“Like a limb.” Beau tries to not react to the voice, the southern drawl gone. Fjord had been slowly letting his accent go, but for the most part he held on. Not quite ready to let go. 

“I kinda miss him too.” Beau whispers, feeling oddly vulnerable. Fjord swings an arm around her for a moment, giving a brief squeeze before letting it drop again.

Silence falls again before Jester comes to sit near them, Caduceus following behind quietly- offering a small lift of his tea mug as he sits.

“What were you guys talking about?” She’s pulling her sketchbook out, not even noticing Nott coming to sit beside her- clearly ready to see whatever bullshit she is going to create. The goblin easily sliding between the tiefling and the firbolg.

“Caleb.” Fjord says, eyes focused on the fire again- British twang still hanging heavy on his words. Jester makes him break his gaze by letting out a long gasp.

“I don’t even know how you two got together!” She places her hands on either side of her face, making her eyes wide, “Tell me how you romanced him.”

Her eyebrows waggle and it makes him snort despite the connotation. 

“Oh I’m sure no one wants to hea-”

“I would personally enjoy that very much.” Yasha says calmly as she sits across from him, staring at him through the fire. 

Before he can refute again Nott cuts in,

“It sounds like it could be a nice story.” She takes a sip of her flask, “I could use a nice story.”

Fjord nods and then lets out a small laugh, looking at Jester,

“Well, for the record straight here- I did none of the ‘romancing’ in the beginning. That was all Caleb.”

Beau lets out a startled laugh along with Caduceus just as Nott and Jester both sit up ramrod straight and yell in succession to each other,

“No way!”

“What the  _ fuck _ !”

Fjord laughs and nods, glancing down to play with the loose scrap of fabric in his hands.

“We were staying in some inn- what was that place outside of Descrun?” Fjord asks, to no one in particular but Jester instantly replies,

“The Rolling Raven!”

Fjord nods again, this time with a little more life, “Yeah, that’s the one. He and I were downstairs- all of you had gone to bed already. And it was nice. Just us, the barmaid, and a couple other folk finishing up their drinks. It was nice. Cozy.”

He trails off for a moment, a smile appearing on his face slowly- seemingly without the half-orcs knowledge. He coughs and shakes his head a bit, but the smile stays as he continues,

“And Caleb and I were sitting over by the fire. He was reading- some book… I don’t know. He offered to read it to me, explain the magic as he went through and… He did. And I knew he could finish the book faster reading to himself but he offered and…”

Beau cuts in, an impatient look in her eyes (along with a small smile she’ll deny having), “And?!”

Fjord laughs and gives a small snort, “After a couple chapters he kinda just glanced over and… Well, he asked if he could kiss me. And at the time I thought it was out of nowhere but I said yes because- well, between us, I had a thing for him. Still do, but not the point.”

He trails off again, glancing into the fires swirls again.

“So he kissed you?” Jesters voice is soft and her hands are still cradling her face, Fjord turns to her and it makes Fjord briefly remember the little girls during story time at the orphanage. It makes his chest swell again,

“No. He asked- he made the first move, but actually making the kiss happen was up to me.” Fjord laughs again and bites his lip after a moment, “And we just… Kept doing it. Couple of weeks went by and eventually, we went into some shop and you know Caleb if there’s a book he’s gone. So I was talking to the store owner and said something like ‘I apologize for my partner he’s just excited’.”

Jester and Caduceus both make twin sounds of “aw” at the admission, making Fjord’s blush return.

“And he heard me. So that night we had a proper talk, very adult like and quite frankly it was awful.” Fjord lets out a bark of laughter, “We were both just stuttering and shaking and oh my gods it was a mess.” 

This makes everyone laugh, it’s nice- a nice change from the usual gloom in the air.

“And after that… I don’t know. We just made it work.” The inside joke making his lips quirk again.

“When did you,” Jester asks clamping her teeth down and it makes Fjord wince- at the sound or the inference, he wasn’t sure.

“About two months ago, or so. Caleb would be the one to know exactly...”

A silence begins to fall again at the mention of their missing friend. The fire providing the only real source of sound until it’s cut through with a loud gasp.

“And that’s a big deal right? Like you’re…” Jester trails off before her eyes getting even wider somehow, “You’re orc married!”

Fjord rolls his eyes but nods.

“Basically, yeah.” He clears his throat and somehow finds the courage to look at Nott- who is glaring at him fiercely from behind her flask.

“I know you don’t like the idea of me marking him, but I just want you to know-  _ he _ asked  _ me _ to do it.”

The glare begins to fall, but doesn’t fade entirely.

“Orcs… We mate for life?” Fjord tenses his face up, God he never wanted to have this conversation, “I wouldn’t have done it willy-nilly. It meant something.”   
  


A pause,

“It still does.”

The goblin girl doesn’t reply but gives a nod, letting the glare finally fade as she picks up her flask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> am i happy with this chapter?  
> not entirely tbh but i wanted to add some fluff before i yoU KNOW,,,
> 
> DEstRoY cALeB WIDOgaST
> 
> (there's no character death in this story dont worry)


	4. Nothing else can save me S. O. S.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that new intro HAS ME FUCKIN PUMPED  
> and this isn't the longest chapter i apologize but the next few chapters is where it gETS FUCKKIN GOIN YOU KNOW

**T.W.O M.O.N.T.H.S A.G.O.**

“We got a lead!” Beau screams as she runs into the tavern, she’s holding a folded piece of paper in the air as she weaves her way through the slightly crowded room. She’s weaving around the other bar patrons pretty easily, Nott and Jester following behind closely.

Upon hearing their return, Fjord and Caduceus stop their conversation and turn towards the incoming update. Pretty quickly and easily all of them slide into the chairs pulled around the table and ale is brought and pretty soon Beau is shouting once more.

“We got a mother-fuckin lead!” Fjord hasn’t seen her this animated since Yasha returned- who speaking of which is still trying to fight through the crowd- seemingly too large to glide through the rooms like her companions.

“You did?” Fjord asks, excitement obviously creeping into his voice. They hadn’t gotten a _real_ lead in months. By the time they made it up to Rexxentrum, 2 months had passed. And the academy had jerked them around for another month on top of that, and apparently Trent moved within the last month and... It just hasn’t been as quickly a retrieval as they had all hoped. But Fjord updates them every day, and Caleb is strong. As long as they get him out, he’ll be okay.

At this point Yasha has made her way over to the table, looking a bit frazzled but pleased to have made it. Fjord hands her Caduceus’ undrank tankard easily and seemingly without thought.

“We sure as fuck did.” Beau smirks, pulling her feet up into her chair, sipping her ale as she tosses the paper to Fjord. Caduceus looks over his shoulder easily-

_The Feast Of The Moon is upon us! In One months time, winter will be upon us! Come and join in for our festivities._

_Join us for a night worthy of celebration!_

_-Hosted at and by the Soltryce Academy_

Fjord glances up from the paper, “And you’re sure Trent is going to be there?”

Beau nods- smirk still in place and Nott nods along,

“Beau’s lady friend told us she was going to get us on the list.”

Fjord nods and picks up his own tankard, “Well we best start thinking of some clever disguises.”

**O.N.E. M.O.N.T.H. A.G.O.**

They were all crowded around the tavern table again, it was common occurrence now it seemed. Even the barmaids- Holtha and Inrin- knew that the “mighty nein” would be claiming her back table at some point every day.

The festival was only a matter of days away, and the plan was in the final stages of ironing out. They had their identities, and outfits and those who were using magic to disguise themselves had already ironed out the looks. They just needed the perfect way to stop Ikithon from getting back to his home- which, as they learned, was heavily protected with magical wards.

They’re all crammed together at their table, at their spot throwing out options and plans left and right. Easily and quickly. Throwing anything to see what might stick.

They all feel a brief pang when Nott gives a sad smile and claims they need Caleb- because he was the smartest. (No one argues with her).

Caduceus is in the middle of explaining how his new spell allowed him to control the weather,

“So we make it rain, the roads get real slippery and then what?” Jester asks, and now Beau jumps in-

“Then it’s easier to follow the cart tracks.”

“And then we can get his cart to swerve off an-”

And before Nott can finish her through she’s cut off by Fjord gasping loudly- placing a hand over his heart and clenching there. Grasping tightly onto his armor, glancing down- clearing looking for a source of the pain. Finding nothing there.

“Something’s not right.” He winces, trying to shake his head, “It’s… I…”

Then it hits him. Like a tidal wave, Fjord feels like his entire chest is on fire- flames licking and curling around his insides. And after a few moments of the pain it stops all together- and once his mind clears he manages to place the feeling. Place where the pain was coming from.

That realization doesn’t make it any easier to breathe.

“Fjord? Dude? You good?” Beau asks, hovering above him. Ah, he must have slid out of his chair during… whatever that was.

“I...I think… They’re killing him.” Is all he can manage out and then its starting again. The pain twisting his chest and making the _idea_ of even breathing seem too complex at the moment.

And again after a few moments it stops.

The half orc just sits on the ground for a long moment, one arm propped up on the forgotten chair, trying to catch his breath.

_Oh no, oh no, oh gods oh god ohgodsoho-_

“Fjord, dude, breathe!” Beaus voice cuts through the rush of initial panic and he finds himself inhaling without much of a second thought.

_What the fuck are they doing to Caleb_.

After a few long moments of waiting for the next round of pain to wash through, and it not coming- Fjord allowed Yasha to help him back into his chair. He noticed the few patrons turned and watching their group in various levels of concern and amusement- probably thinking he was too drunk.

“What… What do you mean they’re killing him?” Jesters voice barely escaped her but it booms in the air around them.

“They’re torturing him. Killing him and bringing him back.” Fjords voice is rough, and even speaking causes a small burst of pain in his chest.

Caduceus easily lays a hand on Fjord’s shoulder, offering a calming smile when Fjord turns towards him. Those had become increasingly more common since Caleb was taken- Caduceus had really stepped up to the plate being the calming force to their mania and panic. Fjord was deeply appreciative for it.

“I can’t wait to rip Ikithons head from his body.” Nott growls, glaring down her flask. Beau gives a sharp nod to the goblins right- Yasha chiming in a moment later,

“That is far too kind. We will rip his limbs off, _then_ kill him.” She takes a drink out of her tankard and wipes her mouth after setting it back down, “He deserves to suffer.”

**t.w.o. h.o.u.r.s a.g.o.**

Caleb shivers in his cell. It was cold in the small room, even though he knew it must be warm outside by now. Ikithon’s cell had a small window, and Caleb counted the days. It _must_ be summer. But granted- who knows what magic is at use or where he even is.

Ikithon hadn’t come in a few days, which left Caleb a lot of time to think. And sometimes Caleb would spiral and spiral thinking and not being able to stop. Some days _that_ was worse than when Ikithon was looking for answers out of him.

Caleb felt his stomach turn at even the thought of Trent coming to get him for more “answers”. That man clearly thought Caleb knew more than he did, and despite having the truth spells- he still pushed on.

Caleb's skin still burned from the brand on his shoulder. It wasn’t the first one given to him during his stay here, but it for some reason this one was the most painful of the collection.

Caleb sits on the corner on his bed- which is actually more of blanket over some hay, but he digresses- and he daydreams. He thinks about seeing Fjord again and he thinks about having more adventures with his friends. He dreams of more nights reading by the fire, and for more conversations where Fjord lets him ramble about whatever he found in his newest book.

He replays moments. He replays the fight and corrects what should have happened. He replays his last conversation with Fjord.

A lot his thoughts are wishes to any god willing to listen were sent to protect Fjord and his friends. To keep Nott from prying eyes. To keep them all safe and hopefully smart enough to let him go.

The wizard spent most nights, lying awake, staring out the small window- thinking of his friends. Hoping that they are okay, safe and sound somewhere. That somewhere they are having new adventures and bringing insane stories home to share.

Mostly he just spends the nights hoping that they are alive.

  
  
  
“ _If you can hear me Caleb, you better reply to this fucking message.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall are wild leaving so many comments and i love it so much  
> critters really out here huh
> 
> <3
> 
> (i apologize for how bad this is but like,,,, we just out here trying)


	5. When you're gone//How can I even try to go on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MMM THAT NEW EP HUH  
> THAT WAS THAT GOOD GOOD SHIT, YA KNOW.
> 
> "I do not have time for books, We need to find Fjord"
> 
> stinky wizard man- do u wanna marry him now or like,,, tomorrow?? Maybe this weekend?? cause like mmm  
> u love him
> 
> (ok but actually ow)
> 
> also this chapter is so short i know im tRYING GUYS

**T.E.N. M.O.N.T.H.S. A.G.O.**

The first time either one of them says it- it’s a mistake and it just slips out. They’re laying in bed together, Caleb’s cold feet pressing against Fjords thighs- both of them laughing at  _ everything  _ and  _ nothing _ .

Fjord loves that Caleb laughs so much more now. Jester is still the best at getting him to laugh but Fjord would place himself at a close second. He’s learned all the ways to make the wizard chuckle- puns being a top contender- much to the half-orcs surprise.

That morning everyone had left when the sun rose to explore the small town they were stopped in- none of the group even stopping by their room. Which, honestly, Fjord was deeply grateful for. He rarely got lazy mornings to wake up with Caleb still snoozing next to him. 

Let alone mornings where they could lounge in bed together for a while before having to regroup with everyone else. 

And Fjord doesn’t mean for it to slip out- it honest to God just  _ does _ . Because it makes sense for him to say it. Caleb makes sense to him.

“God I love you.” Fjord manages out in between bouts of laughter- not noticing really what he said until Caleb is sitting up straight in bed. Fjord can see how tense his back, the sheets pooling at his waist- but he isn’t moving away. 

“I..I’m sorry I didn’t mean for that to slip out, it just did. I’m so sorry if i’ve made you uncomfortable. Oh, Cay- I… I.. Fuck… Let me get dressed, I’ll go. I-” Fjords rambling is stopped only by Caleb reaching out, and placing a hand on the green arm currently moving the sheets aside.

“You… You do not have to go.” Caleb’s accent is thick, but Fjord is grateful he can’t see any tears. 

“Well if you’re upset, and want some space, I will.” Fjord offers quietly, but does not move his arm out of Caleb’s grasp- really he doesn’t move at all. Stays perfectly where he was when Caleb placed an hand on his arm. Halfway in and out of the bed. One foot halfway onto the cold wooden floor below him.

“I… I need to think, yes. But I do not want to be alone.” Caleb’s voice is that weird tone of too loud and also too soft. Usually only creeping up when Jester runs circles around him, making him incredibly flustered. Usually the tone makes Fjord snort a laugh, but now all it does is freeze his insides- but he nods along anyways.

“Then I’ll stay.” Fjord moves back into the bed, pulling the sheets back over his bare legs, “Do you wanna lay back down, Cay?”

Caleb doesn’t move other than to slide his hand back over Fjords. Gripping the green flesh like a lifeline. 

Fjord doesn’t know how long they stay like that- Caleb sitting up in bed, holding his hand. He doesn’t know- he knows it’s long enough for their hands to get sweaty but Caleb is the one with the perfect internal clock. Fjord just waits, dozing off for a while snapping out of it fully when Caleb rasps out,

“I love you, too.  _ Ja. Ja. _ ” And turns to look at Fjord, “I love you, too.”

And honestly the waiting doesn’t even matter. 

Not for a  _ smile _ like that. The one that still took Fjords breath every time he was lucky enough to see it.

Waiting meant  _ nothing. _

Not for a man like that.

  
  


**n.o.w.**

“Caleb if you can hear me,  _ please _ respond to this message.” Nott croaks into her wire for the seventh time, waiting for a few moments before letting out a frustrated growl. She throws the wire down, grumbling a thanks when Yasha hands it back a moment later.

“He may be somewhere with no magic.” Caduceus offers, “I mean, Caleb is a pretty powerful guy.”

It takes a moment but everyone nods eventually, yeah that would make sense. Keeping Caleb somewhere with no magic. Yeah, that had to be the only reason. That was the easiest and most logical reason.

Yasha adjusts her crouch, making some of the leaves rustle ever so slightly. They had crept along the perimeter of the house easily and quickly. The house was isolated, for reasons none of them wanted to dwell on for too long. 

However for the two or three hours they had been surviving- there had been no movement from the house. No servants, carriages, or even fucking gardeners. The house seem abandoned and empty.

Following Trent from the ball had been harder than expected- the mage taking a different route home. The Mighty Nein had arrived only- what they assumed could have been- two hours after Trent. At the  _ absolute  _ most. 

But now it was seeming like the house was totally empty, and forgotten.

“And you’re sure…” Beau asks, waving a hand at Fjord’s chest, not finishing her question. But they all hear it anyways,

_ You’re sure he’s not dead, right? This isn’t a suicide mission for nothing? _

“I’m sure. I would feel it if he was… If he wasn’t around.” Is what Fjord settles on as a response. 

“Alright.” Beau says, nodding slowly, “Let’s fucking do this.”

=

Getting into the house was remarkably easy. The front door was literally left open, the entire house sitting quiet and dark as they crept forward. Only once they got closer did they notice the out of place paper on the door. It’s a small piece of parchment left hanging via a small jeweled dagger. At first no one moved- it had to be a trap right? It  _ had _ to be.

But what if it wasn’t? 

That was a risk Fjord was willing to take. At this point Fjord was willing to do anything for the chance to find Caleb.

Unsurprisingly Fjord was the one to rip the dagger from the large wooden door and flip the paper open to read it. Swallowing as he somehow managed to settle his hands long enough to flip the parchment open.

_ zwischenschach _

“Well this is foreboding.” Caduceus mumbles over Fjords shoulder, as all of them slowly cram closer to the door. Fjord nods in agreement, taking a long breath before he folds the paper once more and slides in easily into the front of his shirt. Between his armor and his belt that fucking paper wasn’t going  _ anywhere. _

“Nott try the thing again.” Jester whispers as she peers around Fjord into the house. Her eyes widening at the sight of the grand staircase in front of her. This house really was massive- and honestly a bit ridiculous.

“Yeah, okay.” Nott mumbles pulling the wire out of her pocket and aiming it in a random direction towards the stairs, “Caleb please respond to this message.”

A moment passes and Nott lowers the wire, her brows already drawing together to show her discouragement of this mission- when suddenly her eyes widen and her breath seems to be slammed out of her.

“Did he reply?!” Jester is actually bouncing in place, the hope clearly growing back quickly. And all Nott can do is nod a couple times- in quick jerky movements, before eventually seeming to get herself back under control.

She quickly turns to Fjord with a set glare, “He’s in there.”

And without another word she’s charging into the house- the group protesting but following close behind.

**n.o.w.**

Caleb hates this new trick, this new system of torture Trent is forcing on him. It was almost enough for Caleb to break- to plead for Trent to  _ take mercy and just end him. Just let him fucking die. _

Reliving his mother and fathers deaths were not easy- not in any way, shape, or form. It was grueling and whenever Trent forced that memory to play Caleb always ends up vomiting. But this? Doing this to him? 

It was the worst possible thing Trent could do- and Caleb had no idea how he figured it out. But Caleb couldn’t think about that now- all he could do was clutch at his ears and push himself further into the corner. Pulling his knees up to weakly curl in on himself, to protect his torso.

“You’re not real!” He knows his voice is wrecked, and it means nothing but crying out makes him feel a little better. To at least seem like he can fight back, like he still has will power. 

“Caleb what do you mean?”  _ Just how _ had Trent gotten Jesters voice so accurate? It really did sound like her, and sneaking another glance it really did look like her. Blue hair, dress and all. It was kind of astounding how much detail Caleb must have held in his memories. Astounding how Trent managed to pull it out of him.

It hurt in ways he would never be able to articulate- never in any of the languages he knows. There would never be a word for the pain and anguish he felt from seeing his friends in front of him again after so long.

“Please. I don’t know anything else! Please! Stop!” Caleb slams his elbow into the stone behind him when the Jester illusion moves closer, the movement revealing the Nott illusion again. Seeing the ‘Nott’ was what kick started this whole panic attack- Trent had never played this dirty before.

Caleb just couldn’t ignore them any more when the Nott had called out in excitement at seeing him.

“Caleb-” The Nott cries, as he slams his elbow again, drawing blood again. It sounds so like her, it makes Caleb scream with everything he has just to cover the voice. To drown out the sounds. 

“Please! Let them rest in peace! I don’t know what you want from me!” Caleb screams at the ceiling, pointedly not looking at the two,

“You murdered them in front of me, isn’t that enough!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you may be asking yourself....
> 
> hey man,
> 
> are all the chapter titles lyrics to the hit song S.O.S by ABBA, which was debuted in the year 1975 on the hit self-titled album?
> 
> why yes
> 
> yes they are.
> 
> [[also zwischenschach is German, meaning: Playing a surprising check that your opponent didn’t consider when he was plotting a sequence of moves]] cause who doesn't love chess bullshit. :)
> 
> ALSO: don't worry yall i know the timeline doesn't make sense right now >:)  
> it's all by design mahahaha


	6. You seem so far away though you are standing near

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: caleb is bout to describe what he thinks happened to tm9 and its a little graphic??  
> no detail but he verbally says what he saw.
> 
> cause im a monster

**E.I.G.H.T. M.O.N.T.H.S. A.G.O.**

“I have been thinking.”

Fjord and Caleb are about two hours into their shift on nightwatch when Caleb breaks the silence seemingly out of nowhere. And when Fjord turns to look at him, the red-head is still gazing into the flames. A slight distant look in his eye- but nowhere near as bad Fjord remembers it can be.

Fjord waits a moment, and when sensing Caleb isn’t going to continue without prompting- he says,

“About what, Cay?”

The nickname does clear some of the fog from Caleb’s eyes, and gets the other man to look at him.

Blue meeting gold.

“About what you said about retiring.”   


It had been a passing comment- weeks ago. Fresh out of battle waiting for Jester to heal a cut on his side- Fjord had propped himself up on a boulder and groaned.

“Let’s just. Call it. Right here. Let’s fucking retire and buy a house and  _ Jesus fuck that stings!” _

He hadn’t given it a second thought since saying it- but clearly his wizard had. Clearly Caleb had spent the weeks since turning and tumbling the thought over and over in his clever head.

“It was mostly a joke, Cay.”

“Ah, ja.  _ Mostly. _ ”

Fjord doesn’t know what to say so instead he pokes at the fire gently with a stick. Watching the embers glow and shift around the new placement of the logs.

“I think it is a good plan.” Caleb’s voice is soft and it makes Fjords heart clench tightly- if not stop all together.

Caleb coughs and from the corner of his eye- Fjord can see a slight flush crawling along Caleb’s neck and cheeks.

“Not now. Or even soon… There are…” Caleb pauses for a moment before nodding to himself, “There are things I must do. But… perhaps. One day?”

Caleb’s hand falls slightly open next to him- and Fjord knows Caleb well enough now to recognize it for what it is.

A timid invitation. 

Caleb’s hand is cold when Fjord grabs it.

“You want that?” Fjord asks while moving a little closer. Choosing to let the ‘ _ with me’  _ go unsaid.

But like always- Caleb is too smart and knows Fjord too well. The wizard smiles a small smile, and glances over the makeshift camp quickly before pressing a long and tender kiss to the side of Fjords mouth.

“No one else.” Caleb’s other icy hand comes to gently rest on Fjord cheek, “One day it will just be me and you, and whomever sticks around.” 

Fjord just smiles, gently clutching the hand in his.

“Sounds like a plan to me, darlin.”

Caleb huffs a small laugh and presses another kiss to Fjords mouth,

“I like that one.”

Fjord smiles, tusks poking out slightly.

“Then I’ll keep usin’’ it.” He pauses, grabbing Calebs other hand, pressing a kiss into the palm, “ _ Darlin.” _

**n.o.w**

“You know after this if we never see another mimic again- I’d be good.” Beau huffs, leaning her elbows onto her knees- in the process of catching her breath. Getting through the house had been no easy feat- of course not. Nott and Jester had managed to skirt by the chest of drawers before it all went to shit luckily. Fjord spared a thought hoping they were having an easier time then ‘A Team.

“I agree.” Yasha sighs, keeping her great sword at her side- clearly still on high alert. And no one can fault her there. Between the two trap doors to nothing but a 50 foot drop, arrows shooting from the wall and the moving suit of armor- everyone was having a hard time coming off high alert.

And in the lull of conversation a loud scream cuts into the air.

A familiar scream.

“ _ Caleb?” _

=

The screaming has stopped by the time Fjord manages to make it down the two flights of stairs into the dungeon. Jester and Nott are both wearing twin pale, concerned looks on their faces from where they’re sitting at the mouth of a cell. Both of them looking like they’re looking right into the mouth of a dragon- tears ever so slightly starting to fall. It makes Fjords stomach twist tightly. These were not the expressions he was expecting to see here.

Fjord takes a moment to catch his breath before moving to see into the actual cell. Caleb is pressed against a far corner, hands tangled in his long and curly hair. The wizard is shaking, that’s very clear- and he’s mumbling to himself.

Fjord thinks he’s probably close to wearing a matching expression with Nott and Jester at this point. This hurts, more than he ever expected it too. 

“Cay?” The wizard freezes when Fjord calls out, but after a moment he resumes his mumbling and shaking. 

It’s only when Fjord takes a half step into the cell that Caleb really reacts,  __ finally moving his head up to look at Fjord. 

It’s a look Fjord recognizes instantly- how can he not? Fjord has seen that look dozens and dozens of times over the past year- but  _ never _ at himself.

Caleb reserves that low glare for enemies. For people in the process of hurting anyone of The Mighty Nein. It’s reserved for people Caleb loathes and hates more than himself. People like Lorenzo, and Trent.

“I should have fucking guessed you would be here.” Caleb spits, finally standing. He stumbles and has to lean on the wall but he stands nonetheless. His hands shake as he takes a step closer to Fjord, his glare only growing deeper and deeper- filling with more and more fire.

“Is this your fine work?” Caleb waves a hand towards the door- towards Jester and Nott, “Making me see them again? Is this you?”

Caleb is now less than a foot away from Fjord, swaying slightly but refusing to back down from whatever fight he seems to think may happen.

There’s something else in Caleb’s eyes and voice that Fjord only catches when the wizard gets closer. It’s another look Fjord recognizes- 

Caleb is ready to die, and thinks Fjord is the one that’s going to make it happen.

Fjord flounders, attempting a response but before he can manage to make the words come out Calebs going again- clearly spurred on by the lack of a reply. Misconstruing it for an act of coy- instead of confusion. 

“You destroyed me. You  _ broke  _ me.” Fjords breath catches when he sees the bits of wet beginning to pool around Caleb’s eyes, “You murdered them. Our friends. Our… Our family. You lied to me. You lied to Jester and Yasha and… and all of us.”

Caleb pauses, taking a breath and running a hand through his long hair. Half heartedly wiping under his eyes as he pushes on- Fjords lack of reply only adding fuel to the fire

“I didn’t believe Trent at first- when he told me you were with him. And that you had been from the start but…” Caleb laughs, humorless and tired, “But then you ripped Jesters throat apart. And tore Yasha’s head from her body. You laughed as Caduceus bled out. And Nott….”

Caleb trails off, briefly glancing towards the door but quickly looking away after a glance at the familiar face still standing there in wait. 

Caleb takes another step forward, eyes set and cold. Even the hatred and fire snuffed out. He simply looks tired and empty.

“So, what do you say,  _ liebling,” _ Caleb smiles blankly as he spits the endearment out, “After all these years you here to finish it? To make good on your promise? Now that I’m miserable and empty and have no more secrets left to spill? You finally going to free me of this hell? Send me to see the people  _ you _ ripped away from me?”

Fjord plans to say a lot of things but all that comes out is a pitched and broken,

“ _ Sleep.” _

Fjord grabs Caleb before the Wizard even fully closes his eyes, and it’s not hard to scoop him up. 

He’s light again. Light and frail looking just like when they met in that bar all those months ago.

Fjord doesn’t even begin to know what to say when he turns around with Caleb wrapped up in his arms, and sees everyone else on the other side of the door. 

Despite the jokes and the jabs- Fjord is no leader. He’s no captain or masterful commander with all the answers.

He doesn’t even have the  _ beginning _ of an idea of what to say to them.

To make Jester stop crying and to make Nott stop picking at her own skin.

Fjord is a man who can get away with plenty just due to his words- but this? 

There’s nothing.

No words. 

No accent, no anything that can provide his friends with the answers they are clearly desperate for.

So instead, as he steps out into the hallway. He swallows and picks his chin up a little higher- briefly thinking of Vanderns advice from years before. And he starts towards the stairs, pausing until he hears footfalls following.

And he heads towards daybreak, clutching Caleb tight to his chest.

**=**

They manage to get back to the inn safely and easily. Fjord along the way adjusting Caleb to look more black-out drunk than half dead. And luckily no one seems to pay them any mind- most of the town is empty, or still lingering at the great ball.

Caleb is easy enough to tuck into a bed. Offering a small sigh in his sleep when Jester and Caduceus both channel a small amount of healing into him.

It’s when Jester rolls Caleb gently to his side- to get the unconscious man off her dress, that they catch the sight of Caleb's back.

It makes Nott turn to vomit into the water basin almost immediately. 

Caleb's shoulders and upper arms had always had scarring- burns and what they all later learned were whip marks but this? This is a new level of damage.

There are dozens upon dozens of long scars, thin and precise. Probably caused from a dagger, dragging over the spot again and again. There are new burn marks- two near his hips in the vague shape of hand prints. 

But the main thing that catches the attention of everyone are the brands.

Caleb has three, one over his left shoulder blade, one to the right and one directly in the middle.

Three brands. Three styles of torture. 

Implemented by three different people.

The one of the right shoulder blade is a simple word. It makes Beau shift and spin to implant her fist into the wood besides the door. It makes Yasha grind her teeth, and Fjord internally command himself to take a deep breath and count to ten. It makes Caduceus pull his brows together and let out a small growl- one he does not seem to be aware he is making. 

It makes Nott bend over the basion again. Clutching the small metal container with all her might- making her knuckles a pale seafoam color.

_ ‘Defector’ _

The middle isn’t much better- It’s actually worse. Not properly healed, scabbing over and looking a rotten green around the left edges.

It’s a rotten ugly thing, that makes everyone wince in sympathy as they take it in.

It’s a cruel thing and it makes Jester sniffle but she plants a hand over his back to try to settle some of the infection. When she pulls away it looks less green and a little more calm. 

_ ‘2’ _

They do not know what it means, but the fact it is there is reason for worry enough.

The one sitting in the middle of the pale skin, is the one that causes the most concern. It’s the newest, that much is obvious. The skin around it is still taught and red. 

It’s not a word in Common that is for sure.

“Does anyone know what that is?” Nott asks, finally wandering towards the bed and climbing up with ease. She flutters her hand over his back, but never touches it. Choosing to linger instead of even taking the chance of potentially causing harm.

No one knows what it means, and Jester provides another cure wounds. 

Caleb gives another sleepy sigh of relief.

And when they roll him over, just shuffles and wiggles in a familiar way. Still looking haggard and underfed- but looks much more at peace then when they had first laid him down.

“Tomorrow morning, first thing- I will get rid of those memories.” Jester declares, nodding to mostly herself as she adjusts her dress.

And without much else being said everyone- save for Fjord and Nott trail out of the room slowly. All casting glances and small smiles towards the wizard curled up and asleep on the bed.

Nott curls up at Caleb’s feet and falls asleep easily, like she had been doing it every night in the missing months. Like no time had passed. 

Fjord takes a little longer to climb into the bed- he isn’t going to sleep. No but still. Something about Caleb being back, but not  _ back _ is leaving his chest a little tight. 

So he takes his time getting undressed, scowling when the paper from the door flies out of his shirt. 

It goes into his pack with everything else.

But eventually he does slide into the bed, propped up against the headboard, staring between the door and Caleb. 

“Tomorrow will be easier, darlin. I promise. Then it can just be me, you and whomever else tags along.” Fjord presses a long kiss into Caleb’s hair, “I promise you that, Cay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> widofjord discord gon YELL AT ME AND I FEEL IT IN MY BONES 
> 
> :)
> 
> okay but updates coming in hot and once this story is over,,, ahha
> 
> a bitch got a new one coming up and ya know
> 
> _its only slightly worse than this_
> 
> <3


	7. You made me feel alive, but something died I fear

**N.I.N.E.T.E.E.N. M.O.N.T.H.S. A.G.O.**

“I want to hear you say it,” Nott cries out, “I want you to say it!” 

Caleb turns and walks away, leaving the the familiar coat, now hanging over a fresh grave behind him as he wanders off the road and towards the woods.

**N.I.N.E. M.O.N.T.H.S. A.G.O.**

Caleb easily catches pace besides Nott. The market isn’t crowded at all, not by any standards. But still the shops are open and Jester had insisted they venture out into the town- so out they had gone. 

“I love them.” His voice isn’t quiet, and he doesn’t move his head to look down at Nott when he says it. But he says it, and takes her hand easily in his own.

“What…. What Caleb?” Nott asks, voice pitched more than normal. Heart swelling in her chest, a small timidly growing under her mask.

“You asked me to say it once.” He tilts his head towards the sun a bit more, “I love them.” 

Nott glances up to him, expecting to see a grimace at the admission. But instead finds a clean shaven face, and eyes light when he turns back towards her- bright smile in a way she was still excited to see.

Nott just nods, squeezes the hand in hers and smiles wide as they catch up with everyone waiting for them at the doors of a herbology store.

**n.o.w.**

The second daylight breaks, the door creaks open. Various members of the Mighty Nein begin to trail in, all in various levels of awareness. Beau and Yasha are the first two to come in, both clearly wide awake and both giving Fjord quick once-over glances with careful eyes but choosing to not say anything about his clearly desperate and over-tired state.

Todays are the days Fjord is grateful for friends like these.

Caduceus is the next to arrive, creeping in silently, holding two trays. One is a small silver platter of various small fruits, while the other is slightly larger and covered in only bacon.

Yep today is definitely a day to thank the Gods for these people.

Jester is the last to shuffle in- only a few moments after Caduceus. She is still blinking the sleep from her eyes but seems to light up when her eyes land on Caleb’s form still curled up in bed. Red hair a mess over the pillow and not-quite snores appearing every few moments.

“He should be waking’ up soon.” Fjord mumbles, still in bed with both Caleb and Nott- the former practically on top of him, eyes blinking lazily in an attempt to become more alert.

“Do we  _ want  _ him to be awake?” Beau calls from where she’s now perched on the corner desk. She’s chewing slowly on a piece of bacon, and clearly only looking at Jester when she asks.

“I think...I… I’m not sure, actually.” Jester says, moving slowly towards the bed. Still moving timidly, “What do you think, Clay?”

The Firbolg finishes swallowing the strawberry in his mouth before taking a deep breath to sigh,

“I personally think having him awake will be the simplest.” 

“So we can see if it affects him truly.” Yasha mumbles a moment later, mostly to herself but it echoes in the otherwise empty room.

“What do you mean?” Fjord asks, shifting slightly- making Nott grumble slightly, but not move from her spot in between Fjords calves.

“Caleb is a smart man, he may wake up and still be the same but... play along to get along- so to speak. Where as if he’s already awake when he try…” Caduceus trails off, waving a hand lowly in lue of the rest of his sentence.

“Alright. Well I redid the spell a few hours ago, so… Let’s wait.” Fjord sighs, readjusting his back on the headboard.

=

An hour into waiting Jester lets out a long huff and shifts from where she’s laying on the floor next to Caleb’s side of the bed.

“Fjord tell me a story so I don’t fall asleep again.” 

Fjord snorts, mostly at himself- staying awake is a harder feat than he remembers.

“How about a secret instead.” He doesn’t know  _ why _ he offers that instead of some off the cuff story, but he does- and in doing so has gathered everyone’s attention. Including Jester, who is now kneeling next to the bed, eyes wide and long smile from where she’s watching him.

“Go on.” Her eyebrows waggle ever so slightly and Fjord can’t help but roll his eyes.

“It’s nothing like that, Jess.” Fjord can’t help but let his eyes wander to the sleeping man besides him, he’s waited months for Caleb to come home. Months and months of late nights alone. But somehow- knowing Caleb isn’t fully Caleb, somehow he feels even more lonely than before.

“He wants kids.”   
  


The room is quiet but Fjord knows everyone has heard him.

He waits a moment before continuing,

“We got real drunk, a coupla nights before the fight with Trent and he said he wanted a life with me after all this is done.” Fjord smiles remembering the shade of red Caleb’s face had gone after realizing what he had said. The smile Caleb had shown after Fjord had agreed with him. It settles something in Fjords chest,

“He and I had already talked about getting a house- me and him and anyone else who wanted to stay. It was in passing but... He wants a family again,” Fjord chooses to ignore the sniffle from Notts direction, “He said he wanted the Widogast name to go on and do great things. He wants… I want. I…”

Fjord stops and tilts his head towards the ceiling,

“After Vandern, and Sabien and that whole mess… I never thought I’d want again. Want a life, want a partner, want a family.” He pauses before pushing on, “But then I met him. And it’s nothing perfect. We’re both disasters on legs but… He makes me want again, you know? Makes me remember who I was before the explosion. Before the powers and chaos.”

Another round of silence before Fjord continues on, turning to look at Jesters wide eyes with a smile of his own, 

“So. Once Trent is dead, and Caleb is back to himself… I think that’s what we’re gonna do. I think we’re gonna go wherever he wants, and settle down.”

And no one really has a chance to reply because in the moment between Fjords words- Caleb bolts straight up and falls off the bed in a panic.

=

It’s a lot of wrestling to get Caleb pinned, it takes both Yasha and Beau to finally get him settled in a way Jester can cast her spell. And during it, at some point Caleb falls still. And doesn’t move. 

He just lays flat on his chest- pressed into the floor by Yasha and Beau, for moments even after Jester pulls her hands away.

And then a sob cuts through the air. Followed closely by broken words being chased out with not enough air,

“I need him. I need him, where’s…. Where’s Fjord. Please,  _ please _ . I need him.” 

And it’s nothing short of manic, the way Caleb tries to push himself up- to be able to twist his head to try to catch a glimpse of Fjord. It’s uncontrolled and wild- everything that Caleb is usually not. It’s desperate and fierce. 

“Are you going to hurt him?” Yasha asks, calm and seemingly collected. But with a glance to her face her eyes are wide and panicking- just as confused as everyone else. Caleb drags his nails over the wooden floor in an attempt to pull himself forward.

“No, I want to.. I want too. Please I  _ need  _ to hold him.” Caleb cries all the while still trying to scramble a way up from under the two women.

And once the pressure is released off of him, he’s being hauled up right by a very familiar green arm. And then spun around to  _ very _ familiar gold eyes. And Caleb has so much he wants to say, but instead all he does is fall into Fjords chest, giving up on trying to hold anything in as he cries.

The last time the fog went away it was clarity and pain. 

This time was no different.

It brought clarity this time, and following it was the heartbreaking realization. The realization that he had thought awful things of Fjord and cursed his name. The realization Trent had warped everything again, and made him want things again- want to do awful things.

It also brought closure to a wound left open for so long. 

Caleb reaches his hand out unseeing to the left, grabbing whomever happens to be there. It just happens to be that he grabs Beau’s robe and hauls her in while sobbing,

“You’re alive. You’re all alive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls forgive me im TRYING


	8. I really tried to make it out, I wish I understood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My location is on and I am so ready for the widofjord discord to kick my ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lighter chapter. 
> 
> Caleb really fucking loves his friends guys.
> 
> Also I wrote this on my phone please forgive any errors!!!

**n.o.w.**

“OH! And then, Fjord told us that you got orc-married!” Jester enthuses in the back of the cart. It’s been days, but she’s been determined to fill him in- to update Caleb about every little thing he had missed.

Everyone has been throwing in small details here and there, but for the most part Jester is the one filling him in.

It makes Caleb’s heart swell, even as his entire face flushes a bright red as he turns to the orc to his right.

“You told them?” His voice is small and partially in awe, Fjord had expressed over and over how much he was dreading the conversation about marking Caleb.

Fjord coughs, turning to look at the otherside of the cart, instead of Caleb’s wide eyes or Jesters thin smirk.

“Uh. Yep.”

“Nott was so mad.” Jester says, stretching her legs out- kicking Caleb slightly.

“Ja. Ja. That does not surprise me.” Caleb laughs lowly, glancing fondly down to the sleeping goblin at his side. Her breathing slightly hitches as Caleb runs a hand through her hair- and he knows she isn't truly asleep. But for the time being he lets it go.

They had been traveling most of the day- Caleb wanting to get as far away from Rexxentrum as quickly as possible. Wanting as much distance between that house and himself as they could get.

“He missed you, you know.” Jester whispers a little later, once Fjord has traded places with Caduceus- the firbolg now sitting in the cart while Fjord steers the horses through the mountains.

“I mean. I… I had hoped.” Caleb offers with a weak shrug- not even needing to ask who the ‘he’was, and Jester shakes her head slightly.

“What she means is that he missed you like a fucking limb.” Beau mumbles, only the lower half of her face visible- the rest covered in a blanket. Trying to take a nap in the midday sun apparently.

“I… I do not understand.” Caleb settles on, brain whirring at 100 mile per hour. His heart beating a little faster.

“He woke up every morning reaching for you.” Jesters voice is still low, now holding a deep note of sadness, “He made too much food, and always pulled up an extra chair.”

Caleb just blinks and stares at the back of Fjord, taking in the shape of him. Caleb had guessed Fjord had missed him, but apparently under-estimated how much exactly.

“He re-wrapped Notts bandages.” Beau offers softly, now shifting to sit up, “And he oh so conveniently left things out of his pack- which she grabbed. He never ‘noticed’.”

Beau throws up air quotes around the word noticed and the entire connotation of it makes his chest stir. Fjord took care of her- just like Caleb had asked.

“I…” Caleb starts but stops abruptly- unsure how to continue. It’s quiet for a while, the cart lulling the bodies in the back easily. Eventually Caleb speaks up again,

“Orc-married, is that how you put it earlier?” Caleb asks, unable to stop the small grin growing on his face.

Jester laughs lowly and nods,

“Yup!”

Caleb thinks for a moment before leaning in a little, lowering his voice a tad,

“You know what the problem with being orc married is?” He continues when Jester, Cad, Yasha and Beau all shrug, “There's no last name to give. But if we got… human married he could be a Widogast. Do...Do you think he'd like that?”

Before Trent made his memory go wonky, and placed memories of a terrible falsehood into his mind- Caleb has spent days and days daydreaming of giving Fjord everything he had. Most importantly- his name.

The name Widogast was the only thing Caleb held more dear than his family books.

Even if Widogast wasn't the last name he was born with- it was the name he choose and had come to hold dear.

And whenever Caleb spent even a moment thinking about Fjord finally having a surname- let alone it being Widogast- something always swirled in Caleb's chest.

It wasn't hard to picture a future together. The first time Caleb had realized that it had been a fucking panic attack and a half- he wasn't supposed to have nice things. But somehow, over the months of secret kissing in the dark and shy hand holding under the table- Fjord made Caleb feel worthy in a way, to want those things.

To picture a life together.

“He told us you want a family again.” Jester whispers sometime later that night. Caleb wasn't supposed to be sitting watch but he found himself unable to fall asleep- instead finding comfort in watching over his friends.

Finding a comfort in watching their shoulders and chests rise and fall in steady rhythms.

They all survived.

“I…” Caleb stops, and shifts to he can see Jester a bit better in the fire light. She's tired, the traveling and years of adventures starting to show- but there is a clear excitement to her voice.

‘She is happy you are healing.’ His brain supplies and the thought makes Caleb hold his breath for a moment before nodding.

“I do.” He pauses, pushes some leaves around with his foot, “Granted I have already acquired a new one- I just wish to expand it I believe.”

Caleb doesn't even both to hide his laughter when Jester tackles him in a hug a moment later.

When she pulls away Caleb politely ignores her wiping tears from her cheeks and instead chooses to wrap an arm around her and hold her close.

“I dreamt of you all so often.” It's a whispered confession- but Caleb knows Jester hears from the way she stiffens slightly, “I would spend days in that cell- just dreaming and thinking of you all. Of different lives you would all grow to live and lead.”

The crickets provide a nice white noise, making the conversation somehow less tense.

“What did you think of me.” Jester asks, her head still carefully laying on Caleb's shoulder. The watch shift is long over but neither seem to be hurrying to bed.

“I always imagined you as a famous painter. That people would bid unnecessary amounts of money to have a Lavorre original in their home.” He chuckles, “I imagined you'd fix the problems in Nicodranas, go home and spend many seasons with your mother. Spend days and weeks doing nothing but painting and creating wonderful works of art.”

Caleb once again chooses to ignore her sniffles.

“I always pictured you helping everyone around you. Making sure Kiri was given plenty of gold and whatever else she could need. You… you were the one I always trusted would keep Fjord safe.”

Caleb strains to say the last part but it comes out somehow,

“I always trusted you to keep him safe. To keep his impulsive ass from the fire…. to keep Nott out of harm's way. More specifically I always knew you'd help Nott get both into and out of trouble.”

This gets him a weak laugh and it makes Caleb pull his arm tighter, pulling Jester to him even more.

“What did you think Fjord would do?” Jester asks softly, so reminiscent of how she sounded after she found out about his past. About his name. Soft and heartbroken.

“I… I could never bring myself to imagine a life for him without me beside him.” Caleb admits in a soft tone to match hers, “I am selfish like that. I could not ever… I thought about him the most. About getting home to him the most. I love you all dearly but…”

To his surprise Jester laughs, “Caleb he's basically your husband- it's okay to admit you missed him the most.”

“Husband. Ja.” Caleb runs his free hand over his beard, staring at Fjords back.

“But I always imagined the future for us. A home, always warm and full of people. One day… children. I think.”

He doesn't know why he speaks this like a whisper, Jester and Beau already confirmed Fjord told them all of this.

Caleb smiles when he feels Jester wind a hand into the lapel of his coat.

Gods he's missed this coat… God's he's missed them. Missed her.

“How many.” Caleb doesn't know why Jester is pressing for more of his imaginary dreams but- like most times- he complies and answers her.

“I always pictured 1.” Caleb lays his head back on Jesters, minding her horns.

“You do know if you have a kid they are going to be soooo spoiled. Nott will bring so many baubles and yasha will bring flowers from all over the continent.” Jester starts, eventually sitting back up straight- eyes wide in excitement, “Ooh! I can teach them how to paint and Beau can teach them how to fight and-”

Her rambling is cut off by a quick hug, Caleb wrapping his arms around her to tightly he can touch his own coat.

“You are the best, Jester Lavorre. Truly the best of us. And I will never stop trying to make it up to you for bringing you straight into hell.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I over shot originally how long this fic would be. But it /IS/ part of a series!!! So this is only thefucking beginning kiddos :)
> 
> WIDOFJORD DISCORD I AM READY FOR COMPLAINTS.

**Author's Note:**

> Find my tumblr @calebdisastergast
> 
> !!!


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